Sustain me with a willing spirit. (Psalm 51:12 NASB)
I know the Lord sustains me. I know this because I would not be here otherwise. He’s sustained me through everything — good and bad. Knowing that He’s sustained me isn’t the problem.
My problem seems to be with the willing spirit part. On the one hand, I’m the one who said, “Whatever it takes, Lord, I want everything You have for me.”
So there was an initial willingness. Since then, I’ve said that I had no idea what I was asking. But even at the time I said it, I knew that I had no idea what I was asking. How could I have? It hadn’t happened yet. And God’s God. How can any of us know what He has in store for us?
Only God knows what it will take to make any of us into His image. Only God knows what it will take to make me like Him.
And truth be told, I knew then, and I know now that to be like Him will take laying down my life. He who lays down his life will find it (Matthew 16:25).
It’s no secret in scripture that if we want all God has for us, it won’t be easy. It’ll be good. But it won’t be easy.
So no, my not knowing what I was asking does not indicate an unwilling spirit.
The unwillingness pops up in the little things. In the day to day or season by season things.
I like times of plenty. “Wow! Look what You’re doing!”
I don’t like times of want. “Wow. Look what You’re doing.” And the twin to that sentiment, “Are You really doing this?”
But really, I don’t think that asking that really indicates unwillingness. Often, that’s just me crying out.
The unwillingness is the next step. It’s when my heart says, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” And my mind takes hold of that thought and dwells on it. Daily. Through an entire difficult season.
Ultimately, I go through the season. That’s the result of my initial willingness – for God to do whatever it takes.
But this scripture is about a willing spirit. I don’t want to fight Him through the journey.
Lord, I don’t want to fight You. I want a willing spirit that manifests with joy and peace and contentment in You. Even in the toughest and most uncomfortable of circumstances.
I want a willing spirit that overrides my flesh that’s passing away anyway.
And that’s something only God can give. And it’s something only He can sustain.
So while I say whatever it takes, I also say sustain me with a willing spirit. In everything. In the little things. In the day to day things. In the toughest and most uncomfortable circumstances.
This is a rewrite of an earlier post.