In God, I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. (Ps. 56:11 NASB)
Today, I will not be afraid, I have put my trust in the Lord. Or so I have said.
My mind insists on it, but my heart often rebels before I can rein it in and remind it that He is trustworthy.
And what, exactly, am I afraid of? Am I afraid of the dark and monsters in my closet? Loud noises? Of course not. That’s silly. Those are little kid fears.
Frankly, I don’t remember ever thinking there were monsters in my closet. The dark? Yes, that one got me sometimes. Loud noises? Yes. Still don’t like those much. But I’m not actually afraid of them.
All those little kid fears? I can see it now. They’re fears of the unknown. The imaginary. Fears of things that are out of my control.
I’ve grown up. And so have my fears. Some are big. Like my fear of high carnival rides. Some are reasonable and keep me safe. Like the fear I feel when a car passes me on a two-lane highway with another coming my way. I don’t like that.
But most I can’t even name, they’re so complicated. I just feel them. They’re subtle. I find myself holding back in a situation. Or procrastinating in a task and wonder what’s wrong with me. Then my God speaks to me. It’s fear. Don’t hold back, He says. Go forward in all you do.
So what am I afraid of? These unnamed fears? They’re the unknown, the imaginary, things that are out of my control. They’re my grown up fears with the same roots as my little kid fears.
I understand my little kid fears now. They’re known, no longer imaginary, they’re things that I can control. But not my grown up fears. The unknown, the imaginary, things out of my control. They’re there, tempting me to fear.
Will I remember, in the midst and moment of those times that it’s the Lord who has called me to every situation, every task in my life? He directs my steps. He is trustworthy, so what is there to fear?
But what about the times I fear I may have stepped out on my own? The place I’m in is a result of my own willfulness. I shouldn’t be here or there. It’s not an unknown or imaginary. In fact, it’s my desire to control that got me here.
Even then, what have I to fear? God is still trustworthy. I cry out to Him and He brings me to His side. He cleans me up, sorts me out, recalibrates me, and leads me on.
There is no fear in our God, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Thank You, Father for Your faithfulness.
Today, I will not be afraid; I will trust in the Lord.
I will not hold back and I will go forward in all the ways that He calls me.