How come, if You’re always with me and You’re always there, do I only feel You sometimes?
I’m sure there’s some great theological explanation, but frankly, I don’t want theology. I don’t want mans’ study of You. I just want You.
And I’m sure that there’s a theological debate about feeling You, experiencing You, and how we do that and what’s right and what’s wrong about it all. But just like I don’t want mans’ study of God, I don’t want mans’ debate either. I want You, Lord.
I have felt Your presence so profoundly that I can hardly speak.
And I have felt what I call Your absence so profoundly that I can hardly live.
But You never leave. You are always with me. Holy Spirit, You are here to comfort me, and to remind me of all Jesus taught, and to fill me.
So why do I sometimes feel Your presence and other times feel devoid of You, like I’m going through the motions?
And other times, I may feel Your presence a little, experience You walking this road with me and then, suddenly, wham-o, feel Your presence like a lightning bolt. Those are times I may say something like, “Whoa, God is here.” But weren’t You already? Of course You were. Maybe the lightning bolt moment is like getting a spontaneous big, bear hug.
And maybe all these variances of feeling Your presence just have to do with seasons of life, or my mood, or circumstances, or the collision of the physical world with the spiritual.
Maybe it’s like a light bulb. It’s always there, but I only see or feel it when the switch is flipped. And if it’s a three-way, there’s a lot of variance.
The stars are always there, but I only see them when the conditions are right. Sometimes, they’re dim and sometimes startlingly bright.
So what are the right conditions? Cause I’d like to feel Your presence more. What are the right conditions to see You as brightly and powerfully as possible?
Is there anything I can actually do? You control the conditions for the stars, whether it’s day or night, whether it’s cloudy or clear, whether the earth is in one position or another.
I’m not sure there’s much I can do to make You do what I want. I’m pretty sure You’re going to do Your will while I get to rest in You, to love You, to praise You, to humble myself before You. To say, “Yes, Lord.”
The winds and waves come. You are there. The quiet comes. You are there. The excitement and thrills come. You are there.
You are always with me. Feelings come and go, but You remain. I’ll feel You in big ways and I’ll feel You in little ways. But You never change.