Giving Up

He laid down His life for me; I lay down my life for him. Every day, I humble myself. I come before Him and give everything to Him. My thoughts, my attitude, my desires. I give up to Jesus.

My life, subjected to this world and ultimately death, has had its ransom paid. Now, my life is subjected to the ransom payer. To Jesus. My Lord. The Lord of life.

Not only do I have eternal life, I have life for today as I honor the covenant he wrote and I signed. As I sacrifice my life that was subjected to this world and receive His life of love and hope.

I didn’t listen while I wrote that just now. I wrote it on autopilot. I know it’s right, but it didn’t really sink into my heart today. So here it is again: I give up my desires, my ideas, my hopes. And I receive His. Did I get that the second time around?

I say, “Yes, Lord.” And then I live it, walk it, don’t shrink back and satiate on my desires, feeling sorry for myself.

Except, I’m tired. I feel like I keep getting crumbs. I’ve given up everything and in return only been given bits and half-ways.

I know that’s not true. It’s just how I feel. But His promises are sure. He doesn’t only give me half. He gives me everything.

I want joy and satisfaction. Does the road have to be this hard? This road of giving up self?

Can I worship and sing and lift up His name while pursuing the life I imagine I would enjoy? The comforts of this life while I’m here on this earth?

Or is my imagined perfect life just a fantasy? A fantasy with its own problems. A fantasy devoid of all He has designed for me.Jesus gets it right. Everytime.

He knows my true desires. To know Him. To be known by Him.

He’ll get it right. I won’t. It’s just a hard road there. A humbling road and a road that demands my all. Given to Him.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise. (Psalm 51:17 NASB)

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