Sustain me with a willing spirit. (Psalm 51:12 NASB)
I know You sustain me. I know this because I would not be here otherwise. You’ve sustained me through everything – good and bad.
My problem seems to be with the willing spirit part. On the one hand, I’m the one who said, “Whatever it takes, Lord, I want everything you have for me.”
So there was an initial willingness. I’ve said since that I had no idea what I was asking. But even at the time I said it, I knew that I had no idea what I was asking. How could I? It hadn’t happened yet and You’re God.
Only You knew what it would take.
So no, my not knowing what I was asking does not indicate an unwilling spirit.
The unwillingness pops up in the little things. In the day to day or season by season things.
I like times of plenty. “Wow! Look what You’re doing!”
I don’t like times of want. “Wow. Look what You’re doing.” And the twin to that sentiment, “Are You really doing this?”
Asking that doesn’t really indicate unwillingness. Often, that’s just me crying out to You.
The unwillingness is the next step. It’s when my heart says, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” And my mind takes hold of that thought and dwells on it. Daily. Through an entire difficult season.
Ultimately, I go through the season. That’s the result of my initial willingness – for You to do whatever it takes.
But this scripture is about a willing spirit. I don’t want to fight You through the journey.
Lord, I don’t want to fight You. I want a willing spirit that manifests with joy and peace and contentment in you. Even in the toughest and most uncomfortable of circumstances.
A willing spirit that overrides my flesh that’s passing away anyway.
And that’s something only You can give and sustain.
While I say, “whatever it takes,” I also say, “sustain me with a willing spirit.”